Overflow

Something that I’ve heard often about this past year is this idea of margin.
Living with enough capacity in our hearts to actually live out & encounter the things of Heaven God has always promised we have unlimited access to -
love, grace, peace, healing, forgiveness, miracles, spiritual gifts, community.
& though this is idea of margin is undeniably of our utmost human desire, reality is there are too many factors in life that make us believe it is unattainable.

I remember the days I was at my peak state of “I need to hustle & build something for myself”
I’ve had 9-5’s I hated, side hustled part-time at multiple jobs at a time, taken any & all dance jobs offered to me for little to no pay. I’ve had days I would cry in my car on the way to work & doubt if “success” would ever happen for me - yet at the same time, there was this burning desire for me to trust God with every area of my life, and an unchanging devotion for me to love Him in all that I do or don’t do. And the intimacy I experienced in return is one I wouldn’t trade for any other valuable thing the world can offer.

The funny part is, busyness never really dies down. Life only gets more complex - layers of trauma build, careers change, people come & go, money comes & goes, and every achievement inevitably comes with a plethora of new responsibilities. But it is the Lord who molds our character day in & day out to be able to extend the limits of our capacity to be still and to be present with Him when our schedules don’t seem to allow it. It is, at the end of the day, a heart posture to choose to fixate our eyes on Him - not a special blessing or form of leisure that those who aren’t as busy as us only get to experience.

It is with this realization that I remember my early 20’s as truly the busiest season of my life, but one where I was the most in tune with His heart.
And now, years later, my soul sings of repentance at the following years where I chose to prioritize my own life in a way that left no space for me to receive more of Him the way I’ve always desired. To hear His voice clearer, to wake up and immediately melt into His presence, to connect deeply with the people around me, to pour out and speak life into those who feel alone in their journey, to love with every ounce of energy I have, to learn and discover the mysteries that He only reveals to those who actually seek it, and to see my life transformed in the areas of hopelessness because of His goodness.

And it is with bittersweet acknowledgement that I admit, these things seem idealistic, almost childlike to desire.
”I remember when I wanted those things, what good times they were.” As if they are no longer a possibility.
Yet it is with bold confidence that I declare, that these things are realities He has spoken over us since time began, and are already brewing to manifest. That this is what true communion looks like in the Garden of Eden of our current lives, regardless of our life circumstances. That there are no excuses for a lack of experiencing Him who is living, moving, & breathing, because He has proven time & time again that He is the one who meets us where we are at, not the other way around.

It has been around a year since I’ve invited God back into my regular day.
It has been a choice to posture my heart to receive more of Him, knowing I didn’t have much to give Him in return.
It has been a beautiful process watching Him mend those gaps I felt in my relationship with Him, and Him replacing those areas of emptiness with more of Himself.
It has been a victory to come to a place where I can finally say I am in a place of uncontrollable overflow - where I can be present with people, where I have the capacity to ask Him “What is in Your heart today, Jesus?” with the willingness to give up whatever was on my agenda for the day if He calls me to answer to His.
And to see “antisocial and too busy for everybody Eileen” transition into “talking with Eileen has been lasting hours because of the life that is being spoken over each other” has been an incredibly unbelievable miracle. Oh, what a fruitful title.

And still, like any human, there are areas of my life that still need mending, still need redemption.
But the overflow of His love is enough of a covering to live out of a place of margin.
My life may look the same on the outside, but there is a breathable space and a pressing depth and an inexplicable peace on the inside.
What a beautiful life to live.
At its best, to marvel at His desire to care for every layer of my human nature, to unravel the mysteries of who He is, and to lay at His feet with simple communion.
At its worst, to dump my mistakes onto Him knowing that Jesus has taken it all on his shoulders already and isn’t surprised or disappointed, to take my brokenness and to lay it at his feet with the hopes that He makes something beautiful out of it, and to be my most imperfect human self every day expecting Him to continue loving every bit of me.
What a beautiful Person to get to know.

So, may we not grow content with living the bare minimum of just surviving through life’s currents,
but may we empty our cup daily as an expression of a heart that is ready to receive,
expecting that God is a God who answers ten fold when we posture ourselves out of great expectation,
because He is One who doesn’t just fill to the brim, but fills until it overflows and never stops for the rest of eternity.