It is with the backing of a Father who never fails us

That we can take this test with ease

With the A+ being the cross,

A safety net that will never break under the weight of whatever burden we come to Him with

And maybe that’s why He told us that His yoke is easy and His burden is light

Because the weight was never ours to carry in the first place

And maybe.. just maybe

He will love me endlessly no matter how many times I try,

Whether I pass or I fail,

Because of a loving Savior who took it upon himself to endure the hardest of all tests

So that I never have to experience the anguish of what it means to fail

And that the answer to this test was never about being a good daughter,

But about finishing the race of faith till the very end.

And that my score does not depend on how many good decisions I made,

But on how well I loved and adored Him who loved and adored me first

I had once made a jar. One that I’ve spent many years to mold & create. One that was refined through the furnace and was ready to be used, glossed up and all.

It’s been years since I’ve tucked this jar away, somewhere safe but hidden underneath old things.

It’s been so long, I don’t quite remember what it looks like, nor how it made me feel when it first came out of the furnace - maybe excitement?

Probably.

And though grace abounds, a never-ending resource with no limit, There comes a time where God invites us into maturity.
Where we have to graduate from baby food and eat tough meat.
Where I’m responsible to hold my own jar, with cautiousness and with skill.
Where He invites me into a real partnership, and not a fake one where He does everything for the both of us.
One where He’s open to hearing my ideas, and is so fond of me that I can contend for a different outcome, and angels can be commissioned at the sound of my voice.

I’m realizing more and more that when God calls us into a great thing, we have to be fit to step into it.
And though we say that God uses the weak, the sinful, and the least qualified,
the truth is that God actually makes us strong, holds no record of our sin, and also knew exactly what He was doing when He made David, a mere shepherd, practice slingshots for 15+ years. He was only the least qualified in the world’s eyes. But in God’s eyes…
In God’s eyes, he was qualified to lead an entire nation.

And thus,
A tricky balance between a cautious heart of wanting to steward what He’s given me with such delicate care,
To prove to Him that I can do it. That He can trust me. That I’ll do my best to not let it go to waste.
And His grand invitation towards me to walk into His calling with such obedience and trust in Him

”I trust you, Eileen.

Thank you for your desire to put Me first and to honor Me in all that you do.

Because of your heart, I will reward you 10 fold, 100 fold

That this is not the end, but only the beginning for you

So that your life may be a bold testimony of what it looks like to live a life fully surrendered to Me

I am a God of abundance

My resources don’t run out

In the Kingdom, there is no such thing as lack

But a never-ending river that I’m ready to outpour through you onto this generation

Your ‘yes’ is all I need

Will you partner with Me to change the generations?”

What if,

The whole point of the wind was to pass, but not dissipate?

What if,

It all becomes a beautiful part of you

And when you walk into a room, you can carry in all the different winds that made you, you

Where people will look at you and think,

I wonder why her wind is different from mine

And instead of resentment, I will feel boldness

Because I am fully me because of them

Thank you, Lord for giving me a seat at Your table.
Honored is not enough of a word.
Help me to have a posture of gratitude for the rest of my days.
May I show up with eagerness and humility to be there.
Help me to deeply desire to have a character that matches the culture & the standard of that table.
With every inch of my heart, my choices, my personhood.
May I hunger for the feast You’ve prepared, over all of the other things I think I hunger for.

Currently in a season of being so intentional about what kinds of things God is asking me to pour my energy into.

This is simply because of the inevitable harsh truth that as we adult, our capacity for certain things grow narrower as life responsibilities grow heavier.

The things He is asking of me -

The intentionality of really leaning in & asking what’s on His heart.

The obedience of being ready to put whatever that is first, before my own plans.

The work ethic of choosing a wiser schedule & taking care of my temple.

The willingness of doing more than what the average person is willing to do.

The discernment of who and in what season to give to & receive from.

I have this deep, burning desire to hold His calling with such delicate care, with the knowledge that though salvation is available to all, trust and responsibility is not. I want to be a daughter who prays “mold me to be more like You”, and when the furnace comes, to come out of it with a beautiful and unbreakable confidence that I can now present to the Lord at His feet, & be able to say, “Can you trust me now?”

Here, I offer you a cup.

A broken one with little chips on the sides,

but still holding together somehow

It is a cup that has been through many seasons

one that I could have thrown away a long time ago,

hut I couldn’t help but hold onto for all these years

. . . .

I want to show you my cup

it is a beautiful one that quenches my thirst

one that makes all the other cups out there look undesirable

because see, this cup is special -

in all of its imperfections and little chips on the sides

I won’t trade it for anything

So would you continue to pour into my cup

and I will posture my heart to receive endlessly

so that I never have to run dry again

in a world that continues to demand for me to pour into it

People often look at me and tell me how confident I seem.

I am driven, ambitious.

An entrepreneur, sure of what I want & reaping what I’ve worked my whole life for.

A go-getter, patient with my process but never taking no for an answer.

I am an overcomer. Never sitting in the lows too long, but always standing back up in order to tread on forward.

And because this is how I’ve presented myself, how people have seen me all along, I thought that this was the core of who I am.

Strangely enough, I recently took a real close look at my life and all of the areas that I hold dear, and realized…

I feel fragile.

All to say, this feeling of fragility is not one of weakness, but one that compels me to have complete & utter dependence on Him. Puts life into perspective when you know that you really can’t do much without God in the picture. And with this, comes the realization that this life of obedience comes with a price - one of many sacrifices and a daily choice to be a daughter that yields. But no other life looks better, more appealing than this. I want to protect my love for Him at all costs, to be a child again in this way. It is a delicate, but beautiful journey that is so worth fighting for.

There is so much peace in knowing that the things He asks us to wait for are probably things that are actually worth waiting for.

And then there are things I have waited for for many years, that I am barely just beginning to see and experience the fruits of now.

The way that He works in all His majesty & sovereignty is one that I’ve begun to seek out with innocent curiosity & intense fascination - and it is for this reason that I am so in love with this process called life. That I get to be a child and play in this playground, with a good Dad who watches over me and holds my hand. Who doesn’t rush me, but allows me to fall and get lost, and then get up and go find Him again. And that every time I find Him again, it is one step closer to learning how to do life in true partnership with the One who tells me every day, “Honey, there’s no way you can possibly get this wrong when I’m here doing it with you.”

Oh, how loving He is.