4.02.23
The idea of spiritual transformation is quite an interesting one because though one may think that growth looks like an upward staircase, most of the time it just looks like a roller coaster of a scribble. With loops & turns & backwards & forwards - there really is no gauge of how much we actually grew until after the ride is finished. Of course there may be milestones, but the reality is that faith in the bible is described as a race. Some may hit incredible milestones early on, only to get too tired to actually make it past the finish line. And then there are others who took quite a few detours & often felt like they were falling behind, yet took each moment to savor the journey & slowly but surely ended with victory.
Lately, I have been embracing such loops & turns with deep gratitude & openness, as He has been inching towards me with such layers of Grace, even when I felt like I least deserved it. And in those moments I am brought to my knees at how He chooses to love on me extra in the midst of disconnect or weariness. Every day, the only words that my soul can utter are ones of admiration & worship. How good my God is.
And in those radical encounters of Grace, there is still an invitation to wait in stillness for His goodness to manifest tangibly into every area of our lives.
Into our deepest desires for stability, for love, for happiness, for peace, for success, for healing. And surely, there is a promise of a beautiful redemption story in every single one of those desires that is waiting to unfold. But to experience the fullness of redemption, it requires an intentional surrender and decision to lean in to all that He wants to do in me (whatever that looks like). What a beautiful idea that we never have to try or to strive or to work or to earn, but that all that is asked of us is to trust and to yield and to accept and to just be.
There is so much peace in knowing that the things He asks us to wait for are probably things that are actually worth waiting for.
And then there are things I have waited for for many years, that I am barely just beginning to see and experience the fruits of now.
The way that He works in all His majesty & sovereignty is one that I’ve begun to seek out with innocent curiosity & intense fascination - and it is for this reason that I am so in love with this process called life. That I get to be a child and play in this playground, with a good Dad who watches over me and holds my hand. Who doesn’t rush me, but allows me to fall and get lost, and then get up and go find Him again. And that every time I find Him again, it is one step closer to learning how to do life in true partnership with the One who tells me every day, “Honey, there’s no way you can possibly get this wrong when I’m here doing it with you.”
Oh, how loving He is.
Every moment of every day has been an utter bliss. Just being floored by His Grace until I’m at a loss for words. It is this dependence on Him that I want to be rooted in for the rest of my days, as I live daily with the desire to reciprocate even smallest portion of the love that He so willingly pours out on me.
